1. "You wouldn't laugh at a funeral. You shouldn't use your phone in class."
-These sentences aren't really related enough, so to show that they are supposed to be connected thoughts I threw in a semicolon.
"You wouldn't laugh at a funeral; you shouldn't use your phone in class."
2. "Although many students can't put their cell phones down, they shoulld be banned from class because it negatively effects grades, is a great distraction and it wastes time and money."
-Dear Affects/Effects, I always have a problem with you! TO AFFECT something, THE EFFECTS of something. Could you be more confusing.
"Although many students can't put their cell phones down, they shoulld be banned from class because it negatively affects grades, is a great distraction and it wastes time and money."
3. "Although many students can't put their cell phones down, they should be banned from class because it negatively effects grades, is a great distraction and it wastes time and money."
-My structure isn't parallel, "IT does this, this and IT does this. I took out the second IT.
"Although many students can't put their cell phones down, they should be banned from class because it negatively effects grades, is a great distraction and wastes time and money."
4. "I spent the majority of my time in Psych 111 last semester with my face in my smartphone."
-I used an abbreviation here, changin' it!
"I spent the majority of my time in Psychology 111 last semester with my face in my smartphone."
5. "I can't say I met a cute boy in the process of interacting with those around me, but I made friends, I got a really good grade, learned so much more than I thought possible, and I used my time wisely."
-Parallel structure, again!
"I can't say I met a cute boy in the process of interacting with those around me, but I made friends, I got a really good grade, I learned so much more than I thought possible, and I used my time wisely."
I really like peer reviews because I get to hear the opinions or real readers, BYU students. BUT! Because we didn't have much time for each paper, we could only get to the stuff that would help improve our essays, in other words, we could only say the bad things. Which is good for no ones ego. So with more time, I would love to do this again!
Well done. One thought on example 3. You have this: "Although many students can't put their cell phones down, they should be banned from class because it negatively effects grades, is a great distraction and wastes time and money."
ReplyDeleteAs is, the pronoun "they" is confusing, because it's hard to tell if you're saying the CELL PHONES should be banned or the STUDENTS should be banned. I know what you mean, but your language should be clear there (:
Also, a good rule of thumb about affect/effect:
Almost always, you will use affect as a verb (grades affected my life) and effect as a noun (they had an effect on me).
I just loved reading these. Yay for good grammar, syntax, etc.!
ReplyDeletepreethi
lace, etc.
Nice job on catching your parallel structure mistakes. Those are really easy to mess up on, I do it all the time too.
ReplyDelete